Q: What would be the national holiday for a nation of vampires?

A: Fangs-giving!

I overheard two EMT volunteers talking about the time they went to the aid of an elderly man. As one took down his information, the other opened his shirt to attach EKG cables. "Any history of heart trouble?" asked the first volunteer. "None," said the patient. Looking at the telltale scars of bypass surgery, the second volunteer wasn't so sure. "In that case," he said, "do you remember when the lion attacked you?"

If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.

Why did the chicken get a penalty?

For fowl play.

Q: What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

A: Nacho cheese!