Q: What did the mermaid wear to math class?

A: An algae-bra.

Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change color?

They had a reptile dysfunction.

A woman at our checkout counter didn't have enough money to cover her purchase of toilet paper, so I paid the 96 cents.

"Thank you," she said.

"I'm going to think of you every time I use this paper."

Q: Why was the dead man insensitive?

A: Because he had a cold heart.

Guess what, tapas: You're the exact Venn diagram midpoint of my two least favorite things 
in the world: small portions and sharing 
with anybody.