Here's a job to avoid: hiring manager. See what you'd have to contend with? The candidate answered his cell phone and asked the interviewer to leave her own office because it was a "private" conversation. The candidate told the interviewer he wouldn't stay with the job long because he might get an inheritance if his uncle died

In January, my wife, a physician, met with an elderly patient. "So was Santa good to you?" she asked. "Real good," he said. "I got an SUV." "Nice." "Yeah … Socks, Underwear, and Viagra."

A French poodle and a collie were walking down the street. The poodle turned to the collie and complained, "My life is such a mess. My owner is mean, my girlfriend is having an affair with a German shepherd and I'm as nervous as a cat.""Why don't you go see a psychiatrist?" asked the collie. "I can't," replied the poodle. "I'm not allowed on the couch."

Moses was walking down the street when he bumped into George W. Bush. "Hello," Bush said. "Nice weather we're having, huh?" Moses took one look at the President, turned, and ran in the other direction. The next day Moses was walking down the same street and there was Bush. Again he tried to initiate a conversation. Again Moses turned and ran away. Bush was tired of this bizarre treatment, so the next time Moses ran away from him, Bush followed. When he caught up, he asked Moses what was wrong.Moses said, "The last time I talked to a bush I spent 40 years in the desert."

Q: Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?

A: To get away from the noise.